So many unspoken losses

It’s Baby Loss Awareness Day today.  Too many of my friends will be lighting candles.

I wrote this last year when I was 10 weeks pregnant with the baby currently regurgitating on my shoulder as I type. I am very lucky to be able to write that sentence.

A Question

I know you have no say

But I’m asking anyway:

Will you stay?

If you can’t, then I won’t blame you;

Nobody’s to blame.

But if you can, then, well,

All those crazy ups and downs and the money and the drugs,

Those looks of blank incomprehension, the consultant’s baffled shrugs;

The years that have gone by in a secret half-life blur,

All those cancelled dates to which no one will refer,

And your brothers and your sisters who never really were;

And the needles and the steroids and the intravenous drips,

Those mysterious last-minute “it’s family business” trips,

Those well-meaning, unrequested, uninformed and so unhelpful tips,

And the cold, iron hand of fear and dread that round the solar plexus grips,

Will – not vanish  – but maybe fade,

Like a nightmare in the day.

And I know you have no say

But I’m asking anyway:

Will you stay?

My Baby